Last year at this time I was sitting in my La-Z-Boy watching the US vs. Canada Juniors game while online shopping for PUMP stuff from New Zealand. Little did I know then the year that awaited me. Little did I know that the New Year's Resolution that I made would not last 2 days and that 365 days later I'd be making the same one. This year however, it will be different because the circumstances are different. Everything is different. This time it will work! Of course, everyone who makes a resolution (except those who resolve to not make any resolutions) make the same profound declaration year after year after year. But I'm serious - this year things ARE different and I have no choice but to abide by my resolution because I was told to do so.
2010 was 11 months of wonders for me. My level of comfort on the PUMP stage was growing exponentially and for the first time ever I gained a confidence in myself that I never knew I had. I loved what I was doing and I was continuously getting better at it. I made new best friends that I would only get closer with as time would go by and I strengthened my already wonderful relationships with the friends that I had. Sure people come and go, 'tis the cycle of life, but some friends you make and you just KNOW they are going to be around for the long haul, no matter where either of you are, you KNOW they got your back. Those are the types of friends I made in 2010. I will not throw out names, you know who you are - just know that I know that you know that I know who you are :) JE T'AIME! xo
What else... the olympics are always a highlight for me. No need to recap that though. I went for ATTACK training with my best friend on my birthday! Winter was warm and short (no sledding which is always a bummer but hey - no shoveling either!) I decided on a whim to go study in France for a month. Then the opportunity to study for 2 months (the extra month in Gay Paris)arose... I asked someone who knew me well what I should do and he told me if I didn't go I would regret it and he would pack my bags and drive me himself. So I booked it. Before I had the chance to back out and change my mind.. the check was sent before I even told my mother. It never really sank in until mid May or so that I was leaving on a jet plane to another continent "toute seule". Sure I had MooReece (and he is the best travel partner a girl could ask for) but I'm not going to lie - I was just a little FREAKED OUT. Everything I had trained myself for over the last year, the physical and mental training were paying off. I now had the strength and self-confidence to do this - JUST DO IT! Easier said then done at first. I had a total breakdown the night before I left. I knew everything was going to change the second I got on that plane and I wasn't ready yet. But we all know that sometimes we have no say in when we get to go - sometimes we get shoved out with the parachute and we have to figure out when to pull the chord. I was dealing with a thousand emotions when I left for France, I was excited, nervous, scared, happy, sad, name it...I was feeling it. I was also alone. Time change was the hardest thing for me to deal with at first but ultimately became my best friend because once I learned how to use it to my advantage, I learned to stop being so dependent on everyone back home. This was my time to sink or swim and I can't float... Best experience of my life? DUH! Most challenging experience of my life? YEP! Scariest? You got it! Would I do it again in a heartbeat? My bags are already packed...
I came home to my friends and family who seemed to have genuinely missed me. I was also pleasantly surprised to find out so many people had been keeping up to speed with my AWM updates - living vicariously through my stuffed cow and I. It was all so humbling and comforting to be back. I got back on stage and it was like I had never left. I passed my ATTACK video and helped out friends with their respective endeavors. I spent most of the Fall lending a hand to whoever needed my help, for whatever they needed it for. I felt that I had been so fortunate to have had those few months in Europe that I needed to give back somehow. School sucked but otherwise life was pretty darn good. 11 months of happiness because I made the choices that brought me the most satisfaction. It wasn't always a cakewalk and there were as many tears as laughs sometimes but it was worth every second because it brought me to where I am now.
And then December came along. What a shitshow (pardon my French)! When it rains, it pours, right? It almost seems like 2010 was too good to be true, it needed to end on a bad note. "Screw you Amy for having such an awesome year... now it's time to take some of the things you love AWAY and see how you cope!" Everyday seemed like a new headache and even though I got good reminder advice "Do what makes YOU happy Amy, stop worrying about everybody else" I can't help it, sometimes life takes over and your happiness isn't priority anymore. That's what I learned in December 2010. Ultimately we are the makers of our own happiness, as adults we are the only ones who can change the situation in which we find ourselves, so if we aren't happy, get out. If someone is treating you badly, tell them to @&#* OFF and walk away. But sometimes our happiness can only be fulfilled by helping (or trying to help) those we love get out of the situation they are in because as long as they are unhappy, so are we.
Life is about relationships. That is my philosophy. Life is nothing without the people we meet, love and take care of. The soul cannot be fed through material wealth. Therefore I am a person who prides herself on the relationships she creates and maintains because they are what bring me the most satisfaction. My friends mean the world to me because without them, I would not exist. Family falls into this category as well - i.e. family can be friends and friends can become family. Friendship is one of the greatest gifts we can get. I truly believe that. I did not ask for anything this Christmas because I knew what I wanted most could not be bought or wrapped and stuffed under the tree. I'm not going to lie - it wasn't a Merry Christmas for me this year. It was a good Christmas but a sad one. A sad one because I had to say goodbye to one of the best (and I thought strongest) friendships I'd ever had. But I had taken it for granted and that was my final lesson for 2010. I always expected that friend to be there and now I have to learn to let it go. Sad as it is, it was worth every laugh and every tear (there were MANY of both) and I would not go back and change a thing. Everything happens for a reason, not everything is meant to last forever and time heals all.
Like I said, things change. Everything is different. 2010 was amazing andDecember taught me a fistfull of HARD lessons that I will bring with me into 2011. Lets just hope I learned from them - and that folks is my resolution for 2011.
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